I’ve been thinking about this for a long time now. Originally, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share my story but what I am sure of is that I want to help people feel how individually spectacular they are. The thing is, there’s always going to be SOMEONE who discourages you, lets you down, or tells you that you aren’t good enough. Well, I am here to tell you that you aren’t just enough you’re everything from enough to stupendous and everything in between. Somebody does love you and you will forever be theirs.
I have gone through a lot of hardships in life that even my mother doesn't know about. Running away from poverty and illiteracy attracts so much desperation. Some people are so good at taking advantages on vulnerable people who are not only illiterate and totally oblivious of their status but are so weak and ready to sacrifice anything for a better life.
Six years ago, I took a flight destined Seville Spain for a race and little did I know that my ticket agent had conned me, giving me a ticket that would only end in Paris over 1000 miles from my intended destination. I remember crying for well over 5 hours in a foreign land with only $50 in my pocket, no food and none to call for help. No member of my family knew I was out of the country but two friends who had helped to facilitate my trip. The story is long and soon I believe you will be able to hear it in full when my documentary is done and released.
The second phase of my life's story is when I was in Malaysia all in the name of looking for a better life. Those friends I was with there can attest to how we lost our hard earned 8 months cash to unscrupulous agent who just disappeared on us the last week we were to fly back home.
The third phase is when I was enslaved in a land I thought could be the little heaven on earth ( Land of opportunity) by someone who I could call a BROTHER, living in a house infested with bedbug with instances of no food, burning in summer heat with no Air Conditioner etc. I was going through a lot in my life and even at some point I remember telling the Boarder Patrol officers to put a gun on my mouth because I was "tired with life." The ever jovial face that you are all seeing now was nowhere near then because I was going through a hell full of suicidal thoughts.
All this time, I have learnt to redefine FAMILY, have seen angels and experienced love that I can never match with any other. The love that is a reserve of 'blood relations'... Through that, have been able to break walls of self pity, revenge, selfishness, pride and dishonesty. The last two years, my life has been transformed into a level that could normally take 15-20 years to reach.
The reason I’m expressing this isn’t because I want your sympathy. I’ve contemplated opening up about this for a while now, and now I’m sure I want to. I know I don’t have to be open about this kind of stuff, but I want to; I want people to know they aren’t alone. I realize that this is going to come to a shock to a lot of my family and friends because not many people know about this part of my life so I encourage you to feel free to ask questions if you feel uncomfortable reading this in any way.
I realized that when I began to open up to people about this that almost everyone had been through a hard time similar to mine or gone to therapy. Its kind of one of those disclosed topics that anyone is scared to really talk about or bring up. It doesn’t have to be that way though. When this was all happening I literally felt crazy. I’m not crazy, and neither are you. EVERYONE deserves to find his or her happiness in life; life is too damn short to be unhappy. However, I’m here to tell you that I’m not judging you if you are unhappy. I genuinely want you to be happy because you deserve it. If you’re unhappy please don’t keep it inside of you. Express it to someone, anyone, and get the help that you need to find your happiness because you ARE worth it. You are so worth it. I’ve always been really horrible at expressing my emotions so I know how it feels to feel insecure and vulnerable but I promise you’ll feel better in time.
My hope in this is that if anyone is ever feeling anxious, depressed, or suicidal, they can know that they truly aren’t alone. People do love you, I LOVE YOU. I love every little thing about you from your imperfections to your little quarks. You’re perfect to me. Don’t listen to anyone else and don’t ever let anyone make you feel like less than you are. You’re worth so much, you’re here for a reason and people want you here. Even if you give up on yourself, I never will. Please follow your hearts because that’s really all were here to do. My life has changed and I am living my dream just because I prayed, opened my heart, and built trust around people one would presume as strangers who now constitute my family.